Wednesday, September 28, 2005

In A World Full of Modern Day Pharisees

I read this from a blog of a friend [the one where i got the seven stuff]. And she got this from Christianster. Yes, i agree with this article. so now, i am trying to change how i treat other people, the non believers. i am now trying to stop judging because Jesus never judged us. Never did he point a finger to us and say, you are evil, or you are a whore. All of us are treated equally. We are all sinners, no matter how big or small our sin is. Let us be more of Jesus than that of a Pharisee. Let God be show through us and not point fingers, mock and condemn. Read the article.
Why Aren't More People Getting Saved?
by Melody Green

Something has really been bothering me. How come so many sinners liked Jesus—but they don't like us very much. They liked to hang out with Him. Jesus got invited to their homes for dinner, to their parties... people even hung in trees just to get a glimpse of Him—and Jesus wasn't even good looking!

Well, you might say, "But Jesus was God and we're not! He was full of charisma and anointing." True. But I think it's more than that.

Nobody preached a harder message than Jesus. Remember His eat my flesh drink my blood comments? And yet, Jesus had something we are lacking. Something we could have if we wanted—but many of us don't. Not really. I think it's called something like a compelling, compassionate love for people..

We might say we love people, but do we really? Do we really have compassion for the lost like Jesus did?

After 17 years of living in the "Bible Belt" of Texas, I moved back to California. I had been asking God for more of His heart for the lost, and California was the perfect place to go. Not that there aren't at lot of believers in California, but it's also full of people who seem proud to distance themselves from the church and from Christians. Some wear it like a badge of honor.

After being in California for awhile, and striking up conversations with lots of random people, I began to remember how I felt before I met Jesus. I didn't like Christians either. They appeared to be narrow minded, judgmental, and worst of all, lacking in true compassion. Their answers to life seemed trite and unrealistic. Their theology, prehistoric. Their pie in the sky philosophy quite frankly turned me off. In the days when I was looking for "the truth" I was positive Christians didn't have it.

Things haven't changed much since then in the minds of unbelievers. The world still thinks we're out of step with the times. Obviously, we do march to a different drum—which is for the most part, a very good thing. But some of our ideas and attitudes actually push people away from the Lord—instead of drawing them in.

I want to share one area I feel we can improve in when it comes to reaching the people around us. Jesus called us to be fishers of men; but it seems we often forget how fishing works, so I'm going to lay out a quick refresher course.

First you study the kind of fish you want to catch, figure out it's favorite thing to eat, and get bait that's hard to resist. Then you put floaters or sinkers on your line depending on what level it feeds at. Then you cast in your line and wait patiently to feel a nibble—and when you do, at the right moment you "set the hook." Then you have to reel your fish in very carefully. Often there's a big tug of war—two feet forward one foot back, two feet forward, one foot back. Big fish can take hours to reel in. Then when you're within reach of your fish, you might scoop him into a net to be sure he doesn't wiggle off the line. Even a caught fish can flop its way back into the water if you're not careful. Then you put your fish into a bucket of water to keep him fresh... and after all that effort, through each stage, you finally get to clean your fish.

But what do we do with people? We forget the process. We're usually worrying about how to clean them up before they're even caught! We want people to stop smoking, stop doing drugs, stop wearing clothes we don't like, dye their hair back from purple to brown, take the metal out of their faces, and generally clean up their act before—or shortly after—they've had an encounter with Jesus. We want a clean tidy church, clean tidy disciples, and clean tidy friends.

If Christians would have treated me this way, I don't know if I ever would have gotten saved. But I met people who put up with my ignorance, my immodesty, my bad language, and my spiritual hodge-podge theology—and reached out to me in genuine love. They saw beyond my messy exterior and looked into my heart. A heart that was hungry for God. I got loved into the kingdom, by real flesh and blood people who showed me, in practical ways, how much they cared about me. I gave my heart to Jesus because I could see Him in people who said they loved Him. I wanted to be like those people. I wanted to know the God they knew.

After Jesus really got a hold of my heart, sure I changed some things... but it took awhile. Jesus had to fully win my heart before I was willing to make big changes for Him. But sometimes we expect people to make those changes before they are fully won. We want them to "prove" they love Jesus before they're fully convinced. It's putting the cart before the horse.

One of our problems is, we want to clean our fish before we get them into the bucket. And then we wonder why they wiggle off the hook! Why they leave angry. Why they don't like us anymore. Maybe it's because they've grasped a basic principle we've forgotten. Perhaps they instinctively know that if there really is a God somewhere, He is going to care about their heart, not their hair color. This God will see their true value even when they're a mess on the outside. That's the kind of God this generation is looking for. But what kind of God are we giving them?

We need to remember that Jesus put up with all kinds of stuff—even from His own disciples. Mistakes. Arguments. Unbelief. Jealousy. I bet those guys didn't smell very good either. But Jesus loved them—and they knew it. And they followed Him at the cost of their own lives.

We forget how spiritually hungry the lost really are. We forget that they pray and cry out for help to a God they don't know. We forget how seekers think and feel. We tend to look at the outside of the cup while Jesus looks deep into the heart. We get annoyed and judgmental when people show up to church looking like they're going to a party—instead of rejoicing that they came to hear about God at all.

Why aren't more people getting saved?

Maybe the walls around the churches are as high as the walls around our hearts. Perhaps the walls are so high we can't see beyond our own little world, into the hearts and hurts of people in our communities, our schools, our work places—and yes, literally—our streets. God hears their cries. Do you?

Maybe it's easier to ignore them because if we don't it will cost us something. Maybe that's why we often choose judgment over compassion. It's safer.

Judgment distances us from people—which means we don't have to give them any part of ourselves. Compassion draws them to us—which means we need to give them some of our time and our energy and our love.

So why aren't more people getting saved?



Let us stand out and be a light
A guiding light
In the Darkness
In this world full of sin

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

[i edited] Seven [again]

Seven things that scare me...
1. heights
2. spiders
3. mushy creeps
4. being surrounded by so many people
5. closed spaces
6. discontent
7. failure

Seven things I like the most...
1. bible
2. books
3. computers [hubby ko]
5. art/photography/designs/
4. music
6. theater
7. anything caffeineted

Seven important things in my room...
1. bible
2. journal
3. computer
4. books
5. clothes
6. phone
7. food[?]

Seven random facts about me...
1. I married my computer
2. I hate control freaks
3. I loathe pink, flowers ad mushiness
4. I love black and blue
5. I am usually mistaken as goth/punk but i am not
6. I am a shy person but if you befriend me i can be very ...ewan
7. I hate my weight just because it is hard to look for clothes my size

Seven things i plan to do before i die...
1. publish novels
2. perform in the theater
3. become a real artist
4. record a album [for myself only wala akong balak maging singer]
5. create a computer game
6. look for my old classmates
7. have a apartment/condo/house with japanese interior design [i wish]

Seven things I can do...
1. stay awake for 48 hours a most and manage to funcion properly
2. sing and dance [wow, though music hates me and i am 30 kilos overweight]
3. use photoshop and the gimp
4. design a webpage
5. write poems, stories, novels, songs
6. draw
7. cook [hehe]


Seven things I can't do...
1. stay still
2. pass a math course in one ake
3. mingle with people
4. stay away from my computer/or live knowing my compuer is sira...
5. be happy for a long period of time
6. smoke [this i will never do-ever]
6. forgive easily [this is soo bad]
7. say sorry [it is so hard]

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex...
1. chivalry
2. sense of humour
3. hair and eyes [ewan, gusto ko sa mga mukhang dugyot]
4. talent
5. may sense kausap
6. kelangan nga pala na kaya nyang kantahin yung Music of the Night
7. matangkad. =)

Seven things I say the most...
1. nosebleed/ dumudugo ilong ko
2. duh?!
3. shucks!
4. ngaertz! [nakuha ko to sa blockmate]
5. inis.
6. addeeeeek!
7. toink.

Seven celeb crushes...
1. Nicole Kidman
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Jennifer Connely [tama ba spelling?]
4. Monica Bellucci
5. Zhang Ziyi
6. Halle Berry
7. Uma Thurman
[wow, puro babae. uhm, di po ako lesbo. i just admire beauty. hehe]
sige na nga.. may isa
Josh Groban... haaaaay!

Seven people I want to take this quiz...
1. ako
2. ikaw
3. kayo
4. sila
5. siya
6. tayo
7. hehehehe


got this from ayli_ymom's blog.

Wide Awake

yesterday was one bleak moment that i will always remeber for the rest of my life.

i was panicky because of the supposed to be final defense for a CMSC subject that i am retaking. not hearing some news about the project my groupmate was supposed o be making, i rushed and wasted hours in front of my dormmate's laptop to make the project since my own pc was being fixed [sob! i miss my hubby].

i went to school at 10, the supposed schedule but due to unforesaeen events, the professor came 4:30 in the afternoon. that was not bad because thweere are so many errors in the project the groupmate showed us. so i manage to clear out become errors. the log in log out works but the more important functions were missing.

anyway we ended up with INC for a grade and a possibility of failing for the second time if we flunked the written exams. we decided that we will perfect our project. for sobbing out loud, this is a retake, and one of the easiest CMSC subjects [supposed to be]. the thing is, we had taken this for granted.

so, we have to present this to her again. i wish the defense will end up with flying colors [yeah, right].

then, i came back to the church compound for a choir practice. at least he songs were uplifting. but i still am not at ease being with the peoople i don't talk to.

i will take back what i have said about leaving the choir. no, not because of my sister's words when we talked about it, and not also because of a strict momy's sermon, bu because of seeing the few people who inspired me to serve : our conductor is one, an older male member is another [clue: bass] and another older female memeber is another [clue: alto].

anyway, the canaa piece is so upbeat and fun. while listening in the practice; i am too pooped to sing; i can imagine a very grand presentation of dancing people and beautiful songs. but i snapped back to reality, the choir [especially the male] can't dance the way the men danced in my thoughts. i wish i could direct this piece to a younger group of singers. [ah, dreams of theater once again crept in].

i went back to the dorm. some person just pooped out of the blue to scold me about the curfew hours.[read note below] the dormitory devotion will be today so they practiced 12MN. why they? i fell asleep. i was so tired. from 10 of sunday to 12 MN today. 38 hours of no sleep.

just today someone old me: "one day has 24 hours, don't forget that. there should be time to sleep/rest" [translaed and reworded"]

note:
*what was i thinking when i am writing the title
*the annoying part about that dorm problem shall be posted in a later hour or date. i still don't feel like blogging it right now.

Monday, September 26, 2005

35 Hours Awake (and counting)

read.. the title. enough said.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

"Be My Escape"
Relient K

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

The Monster That I Am

i stopped talking to the people i usually talk to in the dorm

the joy in my heart serving in through the choir diminished into a minute speck of dust

figuring out how selfish i can be and how equally selfish a friend could also be is hard. especially if that particular person has been very close to your heart. can i do anything?

i can't talk to her to sraight things out. that is not my thing. i can just sit back and wait. maybe. things would just turn back to normal. but it has been two weeks of no talk.

the problem is, why am i bothered and she is not? proves it right all along, she doesn't really care for me as a friend. i am a complete nobody to her or a mere plaything when we were still, uhmmm "friends" -as if that really occur, that blasted Friendship.

You may say that i am eaten by guilt. hah! that's what they always say. But no, hell no. i just think that i am betrayed. i don't easily trust, and the people i don't trust the most are the people who don't trust me. it is a problem in trust and that is plain sickening.

about the choir. i can't stand the fact that the whole choir adores the little kid. not just adore, you can see the difference in the way other OLDER peple treat her and the way they treat the rest of us. i recall, evrythime she is not yet around and there is food, they will reserve some for her. and there was a time when two of us were late because of an exam and we came fro practice, there is nothing to eat. go figure.

i also have this strong feeling of not being wanted. i am also not needed. i can't sing well, my voice can't be heard. i am out of pitch and out of tune. i am just a useless junk. so maybe. i'll be saying goodbye.


okay, maybe, i'll just do that. say goodbye. i think it's for the best. i had enough stab wounds.

Feeling Completely Purple

i attended a friend's debut last night.

prior to that i have bought of a nice gift for her - a symnbolic gift because if not symbolic, i already know what's perfect for her, Paulo Coelhos's THE WARRIOR OF THE LIGHT.

i thought, i should make her a personalized picture, a photomanipulation, a deviation[?]... i am really speaking like a deviartArt artist. so i spent hours and hours perfecting a picture of a young girl transformed into a fairy and three buterflies with a gorgeous landscape, thanks to fria ainne's laptop [my husband's in a coma].
i added her(the debutante's) name, her birthdate and her 'child' pic. and voila! a symbolic gift. i don't need to explain her why i made her that.. basta, amin na lang yun. go figure.

that night, hehe, [fria ainnne and] i came to the venue earlier that the people i know. and... my nose bled seeing that the whole place is so FREAKIN PURPLE!!!! i don't have anything against the color but it is just... whoa, freaky. anyway, it's the debutatnte's favorite color. and yeah, i forgot, even teh cake is freaking purple. i texted her about that [i'm getting sick of purple. everything here is purple. even my gift is purple]... and she replied, "haha".

so much for that. i didn't go back to the dorm. so we slept in the an exdormates dorm. hehe.

i dreamt about the debutante and my pet dog and we were waay south in the Philippines, in our house...waaaah. i miss my Kitty[the dog, that is!]

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

The Easiest Way to Get a Head Ache

The ceiling fan got broken... hmmm what to do? tsk. tsk.

Get the industrial fan from teh second floor. We have a good reason.. the only ceiling fan we have got broken so we need air. It is hot in the Philippines for sobbing out loud!
Next, knowing that there is a fan in the room that can generate enough air for all of us (thought it can't turn)... keep cool. sleep.
Then, wake up at the morning, with your bed wet. No, not because you peed. duh! Wet because of SWEAT.

Now, why would i sweat that much, the fan is enough for all of us. Think.
Someone... some one is just hugging the fan all for herself. or maybe it is three against one. I am not quite sure.

I have been vocal about it.. but duh! they are just selfish creeps...

oooooooh... that really is giving me a head ache.

good thing the fan's fixed. =)

Sunday, September 11, 2005

b o x e d

i will not put a title ion this so okay here goes:

i am annoyed with frreakin people who are so d*mned annoying and insensitive. they just freak me ou and annoy me. i'll make it clear to you. i don't want to live some people in the same room with me. They just get on my way. more often, i dream of living alone in an apartment or some where. just away from people. the only things that keeps me from getting nuts and going away from here are a few persons and hell yeah, money.

why am i acting like this. i just woke up this morning and realized how thing were not the same. some people can't respect my space and that's so annoying. okay i'll take back what i said earlier. The only thing that keeps me from getting nuts and going away from here is yes, money.

let me get out of this prison.

to be honest. i hate the rules. i hate some of the people in charge. i hate most of the people.

Am i not happy here. i feel caged. or better yet, BOXED.

...okay now i know the perfect title... : BOXED

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Who or What Is Myishi?


Two books by Eoin Colfer used this name. In the WishList, myishi is a computer genius in the great pit and in The Supernaturalist, myishi is the name of a corporation that controls(yeah) the whole Satelitte City. Now, I am getting curious.


The Supernaturalist is a futurisic novel by Eoin Colfer, the writer of the Artemis Fowl series and The Wish List.
Cosmo Hill was taken in Clarissa Frayne Institute for Parenally Challenged Boys after discovering him alone in Cosmonaut Hill. It didn't take a long time before Cosmo discovered that way the institute is treating them could kill them. The average lifespan of a no-sponsor(children with no biological or adoptive parents) is fifeen years. So for fourteen years he was waiting for the time he will get adopted but soon his hopes went down. Until one day, he had the chance to escape the institute.
After a near-death experience he met a group of people who they call themselves the Supernaturalists. And at that time his adventure starts. The figh against the parasites, which are creature sonly them, and those who had near death experiences. The parasites werre said to suck the life force of an injured.
In ther end there are will be shocking discoveries and revelations that can make them doubt on what they believe in, how they live and what they lived for.
Eoin Colfer has written another book that you can't put down, the pages just fly by with you not noticing. At first the book is a bit slow but it gradually catches spend until the very dramatic ending.
He also never fails to create interesting characters like the Bartoli Baby, Ditto, who is a product of a series of experiments on genes.
He also has the magic to create a fun book from a very sad scenario, a scenario which may happen to our earth unless we do something.
I also noticed that the book is open ended with signs of a sequel.
So I should I expect one? hmmmm.....

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hi, I Am *bleep and I Am An Addict

-->Caffeine
In a day, i need to consume at least 3 mugs of either coffee (hot or cold), tea (hot or cold), chocolate or a caffeine laden energy drink. A day is not complete without any of these plus a bar or two of chocolate bought only a few inches away from the door of our room. BTW, the dorm is turning into a sari sari store. LOL

--->Internet
I will die if there is something wrong with the computers in the 2nd floor of the dormitory - the PC's with internet connection... wheezzze wheeeezzzze... Last week is a hellweek because a virus infected all the PC's wheeeze, whheeeeze!

--->Novel
I will not stop until i finish my novels... all of them. i have asked about wars, and close combat and weapons from a org mate so that i could continue with the war scenes. I am even writing my own language for the story because they can not possible speak in english, my characters are not of this Earth. Take Note, i planneed writing the novel before i even heard or watched Lord of the Rings, so don't get any ideas.. anyway, my story is waay different from that. I, an average creture, should not be compared with J.R.R. Tolkien, who is a genius. The same goes with our works.. hah! am i getting paranoid? err defensive? hope not.
but i still wish, want to be a published writer... haaaay

---->Vector Art
After seeing a Vector Tutorial, i can't stop myself from turning all picture got interested in into a Vector art. I hope i will be good at it. enough said.

--->Photmanipulation and Digital Painting
I have been an addict on this eversince i discovered gimp and photshop.. oh, well.


--->books
i made buying books a weekly habit, and no one can stop me. and i am planning on buying more books from Banana Yoshimoto, Arundhati Roy, Murukami(i forgot the first name), Wei Hui, Paulo Coelho... etc...etc and also classics!!!
sometimes, i mean oftentimes looking at the backs of the books (price tag) make me want to cry but still i buy those things.... ahhhh!! must....buy..... books...must....buy..... books...must....buy..... books...must....buy..... books...must....buy..... books...must....buy..... books...

i sure wish i could get addicted into my academics. *sigh

Monday, September 05, 2005

Another Satisfied Customer

yah, two person has finished reading my book The Curious Incident... and they both loved it. And I now officially know the dormmate who read this is the past and she also loves it. i can't think of any more thing to say. g'nyt